Zindagi na milegi dobara..!!

I had avoided watching the movie when it was playing in theaters, but I recently saw movie Neerja on TV. Its a story of an air hostess who died in a plane hijack in 1986. A few weeks after watching that movie, I boarded my flight to bangalore today at 17.20 hours.

After the shaky take off, Mr untrained pilot of this flight, gave everyone onboard a shock of their life. We experiened a very bad jump in the air and for a moment it felt that the flight was about to crash. It must have been a turbulence or gears might have slipped from his hand :-), but it could have been true today, that it would have been my last flight ever.

My first thought at that moment was that mum doesnt even know which flight am onboard, whom she would have contact etc. The story of movie Neerja, her parents trauma was refreshed in my mind. That bond between a mother and daughter and her mother's acceptance of her daughter's loss was shown so beautifully in the story.

Was it fear of death, it could be. But this infact is a reality of our life and it can happen anytime.

We everyday wish something or the other from life. We make plans, we crib about people, about situations and take things to heart. We dont count our blessings and think of things which could have been different.

But we forget one very important thing, that we are alive and living.

As I myself do and wish we all should do is to make the most of what we have with us today. Be thankful for the good memories and forget & forgive the bad and live the life to fullest.

As "Zindagi" for sure..nahi milegi dubara...!!

After a decade..!!

Sitting on a round stool of a traditional desi dhabha on a dutch party (affordable in my pocket money), I had wished a friend best of luck for a successful life ahead. Wishing each other a great life we parted ways....15 years back.

In the non wifi, non whatsapp era of 90's communication was costly and it was not so easy to stay connected. Life zoomed since then on a roller coaster, from country hops to job hops and then into technology hops where one day I bumped into my long lost friend on linkedin. While the name struck a chord, but streaks of grey hair and with professional attire it was hard to recognise the person. The canvas of memories was painted again and I sent a formal message "Remember me..!!".

As they say, in journey of life we often meet people for a reason, for a season but for friends its always for a lifetime. How ever far we live, how much time goes by but some people will always hold a special place in heart, your friends.

At oxford book store, in the scorching heat of May I finally met my friend after a decade. As we talked for hours about how we have spent our lives since, we realised we have been through a lot.
From our simple dreams, to career highs, to global lows, to different personal experiences there was so much to talk about. Our faces had traces of time, our pocket monies are replaced by credit cards, our bus travels are replaced by cars, but one thing which still remains the same, is our friendship and care.

As life continues to get busy we still might loose contact, but a hope will always remain to meet again..:-)..!!

Upgrade...!!

Sometimes, I feel our life is a book already written with great details and we are just enacting those written words to action like an actor. Such a scripted action happened with me on a recent trip abroad. It’s called upgrade, on an international flight from economy class to business class.  

While passing through the aisles of business class I often used to envy the level of comfort people are subject to by paying few quids extra.  A lady hangs around them taking glasses of juice and Champagne, their luggage is managed, their coats are hanged in special cub boards and these people get the level of attention as if they are kings/queens of ancient ages. Once the flight is fully boarded the curtains are closed to the economy class onlookers as if a Bollywood performance is about to begin anytime.

Today, for a change I was on the other side of that curtain, courtesy some people who preferred the comfort of their home than to spend thousands on travelling. As I write this blog, I am still thinking why she (lady at the boarding gate) chose me to be treated as Cleopatra for that day. Was it my Fabindia kurata charm, which encouraged her to follow “Be Indian, Upgrade an Indian” policy or was it a Yash Chopra dream come true.   

What ever be the reason, but it truly was a different experience for me, taking the pride of travelling business class in an International flight. As I settled in the Business class seat, initial challenge was to find the bits and pieces of items to be used. I was trying to figure out, where was the remote, where was the head phone. I noticed two tiny bottles of water arranged nicely below the arm.

While I was figuring it out these things, came the icing on cake – “the business class travel kit”. Have you every observed how kids react when you give a new toy to them. They try to explore everything about it. I ended up doing the same funny acts of checking the toothpaste, toothbrush, an eye cover and hey a special pair of socks. I unfortunately, was in the middle seat and both gentlemen next to me were looking at me from side eyes with a grin, but I was too excited to worry about that then.  

As we took off the next attempt was to understand how this chair moves. Aah interesting, it can move in any direction to provide you the comfort of your bed at home. There were buttons for every action to slide it forward, slide backward, slide below you waist and comfort your bum. Am sure this would have happened with you many times in economy class that you have your food on the tray table and the person in front comforts his chair and the tray hits your stomach. Ouch!!..but tada this doesn't happen in business class as the seat doesn't slide back to hit the person behind you. 

The odyssey of excitement doesn't end here. As they start to serve food, a white shining cloth is first placed on your tray table as in a 5 star restaurant and its decorated with a nice goblet of Champagne (my apple juice looked just the same). Then comes an array of food options served in a dish along with nicely wrapped shining cutlery. As these are cleanly served with a white gloves. As a courtesy they ask you how is the food and thankfully don’t expect a tip in return.

As I reflect back on that day, I just feel that it could be just another business class trip for people who pay for it. But for me, it came as a beautiful surprise and I would cherish those funny acts of mine for long.

Such incidents & wonderful surprises always make me look forward to life and make this wonder writer wonder. What might happen next...!!

An invisible thread...

A Sleepless night, sometimes leads to a blog and yesterday was one such night.

"Hello"....I noticed a small window popped up while I was in the middle of a financial calculation for my project. I clicked on the chat window reluctantly said "hi" and continued while the window kept blinking. Another 15 minutes while I was engrossed in the excel, that window had messages on messages as the person seemed desperate...and the last sentence read...u there??

That is how the first interaction started with a person I haven't known for all my life. From initial courteous interactions, to more friendly discussions to curious questions began the journey of knowing someone and building an unnamed relationship. Hours and hours of talking, discussions on hundreds and thousands of topics bridged the gap from a stranger to an acquaintance to a friend. The episodes of conversations, fun time together continued for a few months and with passage of time as life got busy conversations started to reduce to mono labels and now we rarely get to talk.  

My IT infected mind relates this phenomenon to a software development life cycle. When we start any projects we have everyone coming together with great passion enthusiasm. We make it a part of our life, but with time, with conflicts with issues the passion start to fade. Soon it becomes a part of our routine and we associate it as life. Towards the end it literally feels to close it as soon as possible and move on.

But one thing which remains is, an invisible thread.

I call it a thread of memories, of good and bad times we spent together. We often recall the incidents, situations, some special comments of those people who made us laugh or even cry at some point. With time, we even forget the names but do remember what that relationship gave us and how it developed us to what we are today.

If I reflect back to years I have lived, I have made loads of friends, acquaintances in life. Some came as school friends, neighbor hood friends, gym friends, most of them my work colleagues and many I just met in travel for a few hours or minutes.

I read in a book once, that we often get close to people who had played some part in our life in our last birth. We meet them again, because, there was something left incomplete in the past life which we have to conclude in this life. So whenever I meet someone I often think about the role he/she would have played in my life.

If I could keep a log of the how we met, what we shared and how we parted ways, I will have an autobiography of thousands of pages. But some names, some people get registered in this book of life as key highlights and others are forgotten.

But as they say, it’s a small world and it often happens that we meet them someday, somewhere and just say..."hey look at you, you are just the same". And the journey continues….

Dedicated to my long forgotten friends and just to let them know, that you are remembered always :-))

Mid life crisis…the lost “YOU”!!

Still a few years away from the magical number, but I was curious to know more about this keyword so was reading around. Hindu mythology states that there are 4 stages in a man’s life (strangely that’s not true for women though). I can safely assume that there are no age boundaries around each of these stages as am still running behind schedule (pun intended!!).

Bramcharya (Bachelor)-> Grihastha(Married) -> Vanaprastha(Wanderer) -> Sannyasa(Sage)

I was just wondering, with Marriage given an utmost importance in worldly culture, why would a human opt for a wanderer or Sannyas stage after having all the luxuries of relationship and love. People have kids, their future & life to plan and a wonderful time with family and friends.

But then I guess it is someone else’s life they are working on.

People lose their own identity, their own self in the process of giving and providing for others. They stop thinking for what they want for themselves and rather surrender to the needs and fancies to maintain a happy family. Then the questions like “what is there in for me?”, “why am I doing this?” start to emerge in their mind.After being tired of working hard, providing for the family, ignoring their own desires coupled up with impact on health and signs of aging people hit this milestone called- “Mid life crisis”.

Midlife crisis thus, is a depressing epitome of lost desires, lost patience and above all a lost feeling of self.

An action always causes a reaction and then we react…some do panic buying a high value car, some have an urge to stay fit and look younger and some look beyond their relationships for something new.

We all will go through this someday and in some way and the reason would be “me” “myself”. So, what could be a mitigation plan for a crisis risk (hard to avoid PMP terms J). An alternate plan could be to take a step back and think of the path your life should take. It could be one or all of the following (or more):

1. Worklife balance – Rejuvenate and take time out for your self - Don’t let those hair fall, that face wrinkle, that body flab to make you look ugly and that heart go weak with ailments
2. Create a checklist of things you want to do before you die
3. Plan an annual holiday to unwind
4. Make new friends and learn from their experiences
5. Fall in love with yourself - Learn to enjoy your own company and let go fear of loneliness
6. Count your blessings
7. And keep smiling

Above all, do realize that you, as a human you are an important entity in this world. Your contributions to this world are unique and no one, no one can be like you. 

It’s your life, live it with peace & contentment as what matters at the end is - “YOU”. 

Raise a toast for - Toastmasters!!

What do you usually do on a Sunday? Rest & rest, go out for a movie, meet friends, spend time with family, just idle in front of television or work (for Mr. & Ms. Workaholics).

I tried something new, something different on this sunday. I attended a meeting of knowledge @ Toastmaster International. It is a club of & for people who are working together to develop an inbuilt talent we all have, but often don’t attempt to nurture.

As I walked into the room, there were many people from different walks of life – students, strugglers, executives and senior citizens (introduced as 60 year old kid). All had come with an objective and a common goal to get over their fear of public speaking. The session was conducted in a class 5, room in a school in Rohini. Sitting after decades on a school bench and noticing the “wall of the week”, I read through some cloud shaped charts on discipline, perseverance - words we often studied but seldom understood their importance at that age. I was just visualizing my days in school, when a round of claps brought me out from the flashback.

The session started with pleasantries where I got to know about people and their vivid interests.

The group I was with, is a club of members where I had joined as a guest along with other such anxious people, joining them for the first time. In a group of 12 odd people, some people were holding their hands tight, memorizing something as if they had to appear for an exam. Within a few minutes into the session, I did realize that it indeed was a test of their shyness, their fears and their ability to structure their thoughts into an inspiring speech. 

With other senior members, taking up roles of evaluation, orator’s nervousness was visible in their shaking hands and the use of AHs, Umms, pauses in speech. But one thing which was common in all of their speeches was the brilliance of their thoughts, their views and the research which has gone into their speech. They had written it with passion, researched thoroughly which took attention of everyone in the room. They have definitely spent time, tried to make this worth a topic people would love to hear.

How often in a HCOCH life, do we take out time reading about a new subject or even thinking about something different? But these people here have actually taken that initiative to think beyond, share their thoughts and learn in the process. Their speeches had stories of successful people like Steve Jobs, references of things they read from books and their experiences of life. 

While listening to them, I was just thinking of the hours they would have spent writing and rehearsing their speeches. How much self-confidence, they must have gained from where they started in this club and how different will their level of knowledge be, when they reach the final level in this club.

I obviously was comparing where I stand, when I “as a guest” was called on the podium too. I cursed my friend, but she had already warned me that you will be picked. With a pounding heart, I walked to the podium. An impromptu topic was given to me and I had to speak about that for a minute. I confessed that am more into writing at leisure than speaking, but I quickly wrapped up what I could say about the topic. Fortunately, I didn’t fumble, but would I say I was confident and expressed myself well…I would say “No”.

Communication is a key trait of a manager and we do this all the time in office. But is that efficient or effective enough, for a level I aim to reach. Will I have the same impact someday, as these orators had on me today? It will all be possible, if I nurture this missing skill and if I try. 

Am sharing this with you, to encourage you to act beyond the monotonous life we share. Develop your forgone interests and take a step into improving your skills to achieve greater success in life. It will not only give you pleasure but take you forward into a beautiful world of “KNOWLEDGE”.

Still thinking what is HCOCH ;-)?? It means Home-Cab-Office-Cab-Home and I learned this today. Happy learning!!

When your World, is just not end of the world!!

How do you react when your most desired wish, or a relationship in which you have invested a lot of time/expectations slips from your hand? You have been living that life, everything around you is just focused on that - One thing/Person.

You are shattered!! You stop believing in yourself and just hate the world.

So was the story of a girl, whose marriage is called off by the groom a day before marriage. She stumbles, cries and continues to call the man, who ditched her. Empty empathy of people around, marriage decorations and all celebrations haunt her all night and the last word she hears is she wanted to go to Italy as her dream wish. She gets up sober in the morning & tells her parents she wants to go on her honeymoon.

A typical innocent middle class girl, who had never dreamed her life without this man, has not stepped out of her home all these years, never traveled alone  sets herself for a foreign land.

A lot of guts are needed for many of us to step out of our comfort zone, but at times that is the best you could/should do. Change your environment. That is what she does with a brave heart, but the pain persists when she see couples around.

Further sections of the story, I could relate it to the first time, I stepped out of India for a job assignment in foreign land. The way you are brought up, the cultural difference, language challenges exposes you to an entire different environment which is beyond our general expectations.

Wearing a Kurta on jeans, being unaware of the use of cutlery, ordering wrong dishes which you can’t eat, not knowing exactly how to cross the roads, always expecting a lady with child to have a husband, being amazed when a girl next to you drinks like mad etc. These come through as cultural shock and at times you just feel like going home.

On the rolls, you meet some people, you get chances to talk through your heart and share your time the burden on your heart reduces. As you hear stories of people around, you feel that your pain is very less as compared to others. By managing alone, you gain confidence and meaning of your life, your worth. Your co-habitats, your colleagues your friends become everything to you. You develop new habits, upgrade your skills and start seeing the world with confidence.At that time, even if that wish or those people turn back, who meant everything to you once, seem to be immaterial.

We often read and share quotes on face book and rather than just words, we should try to implement those in our lives. More & more you repeat to yourself, more & more you relate them to your life. 

That is the strength which we learn as we get to see more experiences and that makes us the person we are. But still there is no limit to what we can become and how we become stronger, when we are perceived as the weakest.

The story and its depiction is a great inspiration for you, when you are going through pain. It tells you that what you sometimes consider as your world, is not exactly the end of the world & life goes on…