10 years have passed!!!

I had a strange feeling yesterday when someone asked me “Where do you stay?”. I told him that I stay in Rohini which is around 40 kms from Noida. He asked me don’t you get tired traveling this much every day. And I told him that I have been traveling this route for 10 years now.

10 years!!!…I reflected is a really long time which I have spent on this route. From Mathura road to Noida, I have almost been taking the same route every day. But each day seems to be my first day to office when I was thrilled to join my new job.

When I started, “my savari” was the local blue line buses racing around each other for passengers. The dirt, smell and oogling eyes were a part of my daily routine. I always used to be so busy struggling to get a secure place to stand and avoid looking at the people around me. I remember running after the buses and changing two buses to reach office on time but it was the most irritating time of the day for me. But as it was the cheapest mode to travel, it was the only option with that salary.

One day a mail was floated in office for car pools and I thought I would attempt to join one so replied to the mail. A girl mailed me for the car pool and we planned to meet at the cafeteria. It was funny meeting as she asked me “which car do you have” and I said I thought you have a car. We laughed and then she introduced me to a chartered bus which used to come from our area, brand Ruby.

Chartered buses a very popular medium of travel then and my “second savari”, had its own strange environment. Aunties used to gossip about their in laws and uncles were busy discussing office politics. But sometimes when they looked up from their discussions, they tried to make friends with people like us from corporate. The agenda for such friendly approach always used to be either evaluation of this generation to theirs or sizing us up for their sons/daughters who are eligible for marriage. I still remember some names from NTPC Kalia ji, Mr. Sharma and one sardarji uncle. Along with them was Anita ji who was a jhansi ki rani from the security team of our company. She had all the news on who was mostly seen in the cafeteria, who is soon going to run away with whom.

Those people actually became a part of my every day travel but along with them was the road, the monuments which I started noticing as I was not busy avoiding that single touch and oogles. Over the years I have seen a lot of new constructions including the metro, fly away bridges, road crossing posts, building renovations and new structures coming on the route. It has changed from a primitive city to a highly modernized city, thanks to the common wealth and Delhi Sarkar.

But few things which have not changed are big Jams, people sleeping on the road, water logging on the roads in rains, people parking their vehicles on the flyover to bow to Hanuman ji and many such things which I might not have noticed.

When I reflect back, most of my best friends, I have met on this route. One of my best friends actually met me when our bus was broken and she had to face a lot of rain with me. I was the new joinee that day and the bus was broken on the way. We took an auto, but it was stuck in water logging, then another auto which met with an accident and then we literally walked on the road in the heaviest rain of the season.

One these roads, she had taught me how to drive my car which was my “third savari” after some progression in the corporate world. She guided me on the driving tips, alternates and made me confident to face the Delhi roads and the world in general. I was so afraid to driver that I often use to give it up especially after my first accident, but she gave the strength and tact to keep moving. Then she fortunately got enrolled in one of the best universities in US and moved on, but here I was driving confidently on the route.

My “fourth savari” now is my office bus, where I have met some good people who are a vital part of my life, but along with them are the roads, the monuments, the renovations and the Big Jams.

Today, I thought I would capture this route, the road, the instances and monuments which have steadily been with me. Every day I see them wishing me a warm welcome and a very good morning.

Do you have Vitamin Deficiency!!!

I have recently learnt a concept of progressive elaboration, so am attempting to write this blog in progression as I complete the book “How to Get what you want and want what you have” by John Gray (Famous writer of Men are from Mars and Women from Venus).

It has this interesting concept of life requiring a set of vitamins in our 10 love tanks. It is elaborated that while we live, we have need to have all our 10 love tanks filled to be satisfied. Following are the vitamins, their description and age timelines.

Vitamin G1 - Love and support from God - Conception to birth
Vitamin P1 – Love and Support from our parents - Birth to 7
Vitamin F - Love and Support Family, Friends and having fun - 7 to 14
Vitamin P2 - Love and Support Peers and others like us with similar goals - 14 to 21
Vitamin S - Love and support from ourselves - 21 to 28
Vitamin R - Love and Support Relationships, Partnerships and romance - 28 to 35
Vitamin D - Love and support from some one who is dependent on us - 35 to 40
Vitamin C - Giving back to our communities - 41 to 49
Vitamin W - Giving back to the world - 49 to 56
Vitamin G2 - Serving god - 56 and Beyond

John suggests that we often have a deficiency of a particular vitamin, due to which one of our love tanks is not filled and we feel dissatisfied. An interesting statistics he has highlighted is, a higher percentage of divorces happening around 28 for those who got married in their Self Love age (21 to 28). They feel the deficiency of not having lived their life and blame the partner for what they are missing within themselves.

Hey don’t push your marriages till 28 reading this, but might be you would be able to appreciate the family life when you have loved yourself or are well connected with yourself!!!

As I further read the book, I understood for most difficulties in life the solution starts with making sure we are filling the first five love tanks. By taking sometime out of our week to fill our past love tanks, we are able to move forward to create the life we want. If you have flowers in your garden, it is not enough to water then once, we need to regularly attend to them and keep nurturing them. Following description provides the symptom for identifying your unfilled tank, remedy to fill the tank and suggests a mode to achieve the same.

Vitamin G1: Love and support from God

Symptoms: Life tends to be a struggle; we become stressed and tired thinking that we have to do it ourselves.

Remedy: Connect with god to realize we are not alone and there is a higher power assisting us.

Mode: Meditation.

Vitamin P1: Love and support from parents

Symptoms: We tend to be held back in by feelings of doubt, inadequacy and unworthiness, waves of emotional disturbance and distress in our lives.

Remedy: Need to get someone to listen to you, understand you and give you unconditional love. As this tank begins to fill you become more supportive to you yourself.

Mode: Therapists or counselors or friends act as hired parents and some healing exercises

Vitamin F: Love and support from family, friends and fun

Symptoms: Life is too serious and you are not having fun. It feels your primary relationship suffers from criticism, blame or boredom.

Remedy: Need to nurture our old friendships and create new ones. Old friends help us love and accept ourselves the way we are and new friends bring out new parts of what we are. Humour, funny movies and having fun is additional ways of filling this tank.

Mode: If you don’t have many friends, start doing things for others. By first giving and then receiving in return you gradually begin to like each other and become friends.

Vitamin P2: Peer support

Symptoms: Loneliness, too confined to the family

Remedy: You should nurture your interests separate from your partner and join some group activities. It helps awaken the teenager in you and you will have surges of enthusiasm, vitality and energy to move ahead in life.

Mode: Attend a game of your favorite sports team in a stadium, movies in cinemas, theatres, religious activities, concerts of favorite singers.

Vitamin S: Self Love

Symptoms: Much of the time we hold ourselves back because we are concerned about what others will think of us. We want to do things, but we don’t because if we make mistake we would reminded of it forever.

Remedy: To love yourself give yourself permission to experiment in life. Get away from people in your everyday life, so that you are free to try on new outfits and behave differently. Give yourself the freedom, to do things you have never done before and go somewhere you would never go again.

Mode: Take a few minutes everyday to reflect on what you want and then set your intentions by putting in your order.

Vitamin R: Relationships, partnerships and romance

Symptoms: You are not able to decide on a partner or likewise in a relationship, after a while love stops flowing.

Remedy: In either case, it means your other love tanks are not filled. If you are not getting the right partner, you are looking in the wrong direction. Just start dating and don’t look for the perfect person. When a student is ready a teacher is always there. Similarly, when you are ready for a relationship and you are open to dating, the perfect person shows up. Soul mates are never perfect, but they are perfect for you as a partner.

Mode: Learn relationship skills.

Vitamin D: Unconditional love to someone who is depending on you.

Symptoms: Without children, unknowingly sabotage a relationship or the possibility of a new relation by over nurturing and treating a partner like a child.

Remedy: Being responsible for the needs of others is a essential requirement of the soul. By feeling responsible and giving your love unconditionally your soul will be strengthened.

Mode: Take care of children, grandchildren, pets and gardens. It means taking care of anything alive.

Vitamin C: Giving back to the community, assisting in making world a better place.

Symptoms: Unable to expand your spirit

Remedy: thinking about helping others. The gifts we have received from life are the gifts we have to share with our community. This kind of giving can be so gratifying that we forget the other people we love, so be careful and not neglect your family in the process.

Mode: volunteer work to help others not directly related to you.

Vitamin W: Giving back to the world

Symptoms: Many people start feeling old because they are not expanding and thus not growing.

Remedy: By connecting and sharing yourself with other cultures, you will discover that although people are different but we are all the same inside. Seeing the world will bring out new parts of who you are and will keep you young.

Mode: Get involved in some kind of world cause like travel, see the world and share your light.

Vitamin G2: Serving god.

Symptoms: Many people immediately age and get sick at this time, because their other tanks are too empty to fulfill this new requirement to give selflessly in service.

Remedy: This is time when we reach our full glory. Now we can be in touch with our greatest powers and gifts. By now all your love tanks have been filled and your greatest joy is in serving. As you enjoy this state, you feel more and more that you are one with everything and everyone. You become a pure channel of God’s grace to all you meet.

Mode: Serve and connect with God.

It is interesting theory though and would encourage you to just think - Are your love tanks filled? “do you love yourself?” and “have you been content with your family”, “are you happy with your career” or are you facing any such symptoms. If yes, then would encourage you to apply the remedies as suggested.

The book has a lot more details on Meditation methodologies, how to understand your desire etc and would suggest all of us should atleast read it once to know ourselves more.

Happy reading!!!!