Holiday Inn London, at 2100 hours
Standing near the window, staring for long hours on the view outside, hearing my heart beat closer to me and the emptiness within!!
A sinking feeling embeded in me in an alien land, where I didnt have my family & friends, people who are a vital part of every minute of my life. Place is known, the rules are known but you still feel alienated from all as they are not my known.
Clock shows 3 AM in India, no one is online and strangely I have not spoken a word for past 36 hours. The silence haunts and memories of the last few hours in India, circle around me.
I try to sleep, but jet lag keeps me awake. I stare in the dark and start thinking about my life.
Am so used to some people in my life with whom I spend major part of my day. I have friends, who acompany me everyday while travelling, who acompany me at lunch, with whom I share my feelings, joys and happiness . They sit next to me and we chit chat on topics, office gossips, passions in life and everyday learn something new about each other. Why am I so dependent on people around me, or is it just a way to avoid the emptiness within?
I often think, why do I work so hard, not considering any hour of the day. People call me workaholic, dedidated to the organisation and even ask me if I get paid extra of every hour. My answer is a smile, but somewhere I feel, do I keep myself busy to avoid the voice of silence and the emptiness within?
I often dream of my childhood when I was loved by all, moments of happiness where I felt I can acheive it all, the pain of lost relationships which were not meant to be mine and the darkness of future which I cannot comprehend now. At times I feel fulfilled, at times lonely, but some where deep down in heart I have started feeling - the emptiness within.
The silence of the room and the darkness of night, makes me wonder what would be my life, a few years from now? With emptiness within and no one around.
A tear drops from my eye, but I sleep as of now!!!
